i'm not a very sentimental person. maybe i'm a cold, heartless bitch. maybe i just don't get attached to people cus too many have screwed me over. maybe i just don't have the attention span to stay tied to something or someone for too long. or maybe its cus i look for and find family in every aspect of my life, so i never really feel like i'm missing anything cus its all there.
i don't believe in having only one family. i mean, its true that i can only drive an unlimited number of people in my biological one, but that doesn't mean it's the only family i have.
everywhere i turn, i got family. cus when you think about it, it's really something you need - what am i supposed to do when my biological family isn't home?
i turn to my school family. or my swimming family. or my pc family. or my preschool buddies family (hard to believe we're entering our senior year/graduated already!!!) or my elementary school family. or my extended family. or my best friends'families (LOL). and the list goes on.
each family has its strengths, and weaknesses of course, but coming together they fit the mold perfectly. we look out for each other and know whats best for each other, and though we hate each other sometimes we know, deep down, we secretly still love them.
if i'm ever in a situation where i'm driving a limited number of passengers cus of my new liscense, and the p.o. busts me for breaking the '1 passenger + family' rule...... i think i'll know what i have to say......
"officer........ these people are my family. our birth certificates might not match, we might be the same race or it might be impossible for us to have been born in the same immediate family because of our age, but we ARE family. "
and hopefully the officer will understand. if he doesn't agree that the concept of family means more than those bound to us by blood or marriage, i feel sorry for him.
cus he's missing out.
Friday, July 30
Wednesday, July 28
Don't depend on others because they won't always be there for you as much as you wish for them to be.
Be independent and strong. Most importantly, be yourself.
Thursday, July 22
sweet escape
since i was young, i've always been fascinated with airports. when i was little it was all about going to grandma's/disneyland/vacation somewhere, which brought lots of excitement to my days. as i grew older, it became all about people watching and the fact the yvr/lax/yyz/lga/dtw/sea etc are pretty much gateways to the world.
it STILL captivates me every time i go to the airport. i admit i look at where all the planes are going as i'm trying to find my gate and i imagine where all the people could possibly be going. i'd walk by planes headed to montego bay and see school groups in matching T's from detroit heading on the vacation of a life time or on the plane going to hawaii wondering who was lucky enough to be heading home.
i personally can't wait to get out of the smalltown bubble i live in and explore the world. but for now......... people watching at the airport is gonna have to be a start.
it STILL captivates me every time i go to the airport. i admit i look at where all the planes are going as i'm trying to find my gate and i imagine where all the people could possibly be going. i'd walk by planes headed to montego bay and see school groups in matching T's from detroit heading on the vacation of a life time or on the plane going to hawaii wondering who was lucky enough to be heading home.
i personally can't wait to get out of the smalltown bubble i live in and explore the world. but for now......... people watching at the airport is gonna have to be a start.
Wednesday, July 21
good news, bad news
the good news:
new phone!!!!! welll iphone.... so new ipod and celluar phone and wireless device!!!!
and they took so long they gave us $100 to spend towards cases!! wooohooo
the bad news:
dropped my phone on concrete 3 hours before i buy my free case. made me yell a word that starts with a f and ends with uck (firetruck!!!!)
the good news:
most of the damage was done on the plastic i kept on my phone until i get a case.
the bad news:
pretty little white dent in the top left corner that i colored with sharpie. classy.
new phone!!!!! welll iphone.... so new ipod and celluar phone and wireless device!!!!
and they took so long they gave us $100 to spend towards cases!! wooohooo
the bad news:
dropped my phone on concrete 3 hours before i buy my free case. made me yell a word that starts with a f and ends with uck (firetruck!!!!)
the good news:
most of the damage was done on the plastic i kept on my phone until i get a case.
the bad news:
pretty little white dent in the top left corner that i colored with sharpie. classy.
Saturday, July 17
Friday, July 16
last night
for some reason, if i sleep after swim practice i ALWAYS remember my dreams. anyways, my adventures last night:
i was in this vintage store (pretty sure it was Front) on main street and bought this turquoise bike for REALLY cheap.
I started riding it around in New York city and ended up riding it into this HUGE room. It was pretty much Grand Central Station, except for way more windows, nothing in the middle/on the floor, and no ticket booths or anything that were telling when the trains were coming etc. And oh my, the PEOPLE. there were SO MANY people and i'm pretty sure i knew all of them.
so i'm biking down a random road, and all of a sudden it gets really steep. it flashes back to grand central room again and i'm biking down, dodging people, but the floor is really steep as well. i fall off my bike, walk down this weird hallway, and end up in this mall.
(weird part is i've NEVER been to a mall like this in my life, but i've dreamt about going there numerous times. the parking lot is on the second level, it's long and skinny, and there's a victoria's secret store and a kohl's on the most east tip of it. it's kinda like ala moana mall in HI if you've ever been there, but not quite....... weird tho cus i started dreaming about this place before i visited that mall.
ANYWAY....... so i go to the mall and smell perfumes in this store, then i continue down these hallways and go on this ride. it starts off as a subway, but turns into a zipper-like ride. i rode it with my friend sylvia and my friend carla and her sister(? even though she doesn't have a sister) were sitting in front of us.
As soon as the ride stops, all hell breaks loose. i run to the top of the noticeably less steep than before Grand central room and see many people i knew mysteriously died. i chase this woman who i refer to in my dream as my mom/aunt or something back to the subway ride, but i get trapped inside and have trouble getting out.
So THEN i get back to the grand central room AGAIN and all these soldiers with machine guns come barelling in and i get shot to death.
its weird because when i'm dying i can feel the pain but all i can really feel is pins and needles and my body parts falling asleep. SO then i float up to 'heaven' which ends up being the upper half of the room - and see all these floating people too. and we're literally just like, hovering in the air. i remember being slightly transparent haha!
weirdly my dreams usually end with my death. this one kept going.
i remember seeing lots of people in heaven but most distinctly my cousin stefanie who in the dream died in a car crash when she was 18 (tho she's still alive and well at 21 now).
all the people in heaven told me i had to say the final goodbye to my human body by putting it away - so i had to pick it up and put it in this coffin/idk?! that was sparkly and light purple and was pretty much just a giant pencil case.
SO then, i meet this random blond guy and we start dancing for some reason? and then he started dancing with this other girl as well who was really nice and i was really jealous. he then said we could share him and for some reason i was okay with that. HAHAHA
SO then in my dream world there is this element thing where people become ghosts or whatever so they can appear to people still living. there are still alive humans in the grand central room, and they cannot see us until our bodies materialize into the human world. so i was talking to my auntie kristie and one of the moms of someone on my swim team and we were able to have a full conversation but i asked them what of me they could see and they said only my neck. (?)
SO THEN melissa l. was still alive so me and my friends in ghost form wanted to send her a sign or something? and we started talking to her and she wanted to take a picture of us but we couldn't.
julian (who was dead) managed to capture a photo of me and melissa l. but i did not show up in said picture.
and then my mom called and woke me up.
sorry for unloading this on here, it's just that i do not remember the last time i was able to recall a dream i had so vividly.....and to be honest i was wildly entertained.
i was in this vintage store (pretty sure it was Front) on main street and bought this turquoise bike for REALLY cheap.
I started riding it around in New York city and ended up riding it into this HUGE room. It was pretty much Grand Central Station, except for way more windows, nothing in the middle/on the floor, and no ticket booths or anything that were telling when the trains were coming etc. And oh my, the PEOPLE. there were SO MANY people and i'm pretty sure i knew all of them.
so i'm biking down a random road, and all of a sudden it gets really steep. it flashes back to grand central room again and i'm biking down, dodging people, but the floor is really steep as well. i fall off my bike, walk down this weird hallway, and end up in this mall.
(weird part is i've NEVER been to a mall like this in my life, but i've dreamt about going there numerous times. the parking lot is on the second level, it's long and skinny, and there's a victoria's secret store and a kohl's on the most east tip of it. it's kinda like ala moana mall in HI if you've ever been there, but not quite....... weird tho cus i started dreaming about this place before i visited that mall.
ANYWAY....... so i go to the mall and smell perfumes in this store, then i continue down these hallways and go on this ride. it starts off as a subway, but turns into a zipper-like ride. i rode it with my friend sylvia and my friend carla and her sister(? even though she doesn't have a sister) were sitting in front of us.
As soon as the ride stops, all hell breaks loose. i run to the top of the noticeably less steep than before Grand central room and see many people i knew mysteriously died. i chase this woman who i refer to in my dream as my mom/aunt or something back to the subway ride, but i get trapped inside and have trouble getting out.
So THEN i get back to the grand central room AGAIN and all these soldiers with machine guns come barelling in and i get shot to death.
its weird because when i'm dying i can feel the pain but all i can really feel is pins and needles and my body parts falling asleep. SO then i float up to 'heaven' which ends up being the upper half of the room - and see all these floating people too. and we're literally just like, hovering in the air. i remember being slightly transparent haha!
weirdly my dreams usually end with my death. this one kept going.
i remember seeing lots of people in heaven but most distinctly my cousin stefanie who in the dream died in a car crash when she was 18 (tho she's still alive and well at 21 now).
all the people in heaven told me i had to say the final goodbye to my human body by putting it away - so i had to pick it up and put it in this coffin/idk?! that was sparkly and light purple and was pretty much just a giant pencil case.
SO then, i meet this random blond guy and we start dancing for some reason? and then he started dancing with this other girl as well who was really nice and i was really jealous. he then said we could share him and for some reason i was okay with that. HAHAHA
SO then in my dream world there is this element thing where people become ghosts or whatever so they can appear to people still living. there are still alive humans in the grand central room, and they cannot see us until our bodies materialize into the human world. so i was talking to my auntie kristie and one of the moms of someone on my swim team and we were able to have a full conversation but i asked them what of me they could see and they said only my neck. (?)
SO THEN melissa l. was still alive so me and my friends in ghost form wanted to send her a sign or something? and we started talking to her and she wanted to take a picture of us but we couldn't.
julian (who was dead) managed to capture a photo of me and melissa l. but i did not show up in said picture.
and then my mom called and woke me up.
sorry for unloading this on here, it's just that i do not remember the last time i was able to recall a dream i had so vividly.....and to be honest i was wildly entertained.
Wednesday, July 14
sunshine
Today was one of those days. no, not one of THOSE days. a good day. one of those days that only happen once every few months - possibly with the full moon? the changing of the tides? the changing of justin bieber's voice? who knows!! what matters is that it was one of those fantastic-fall-asleep-smiling days.
"and it was good"
the kinda day that makes you say........ damn, i'm happy to be alive.
the one where you wake up with your alarm so you don't feel any fatigue, ace your morning exercise routine, spend the day with a friend and get to the pool for a solid swim practice.
the one where you decide to buy ice cream to celebrate the good day, and you see that its half the price you usually pay.
one of those days that are just roll-in-the-grass-do-a-happy-dance-in-the-sunshine fabulous.
what keeps me going on the days where when i feel the opposite of rolling the the grass happy dancing in the sunshine fabulous are days like today - the fact that the promise of a better tomorrow is looming in the distance creates enough positive energy to grab the corners of my lips and turn that frown upside down.
"and it was good"
the kinda day that makes you say........ damn, i'm happy to be alive.
the one where you wake up with your alarm so you don't feel any fatigue, ace your morning exercise routine, spend the day with a friend and get to the pool for a solid swim practice.
the one where you decide to buy ice cream to celebrate the good day, and you see that its half the price you usually pay.
one of those days that are just roll-in-the-grass-do-a-happy-dance-in-the-sunshine fabulous.
what keeps me going on the days where when i feel the opposite of rolling the the grass happy dancing in the sunshine fabulous are days like today - the fact that the promise of a better tomorrow is looming in the distance creates enough positive energy to grab the corners of my lips and turn that frown upside down.
Saturday, July 10
someone told me
even tho its in french, carla bruni's voice is so smooth. i fricken am addicted to this song and i don't fully understand it.
recently experienced a rediscovery of the killers. masterminds of the time man, for reals.
Friday, July 9
Tuesday, July 6
after the fall
in social studies this year we learned aboiut the laissez-faire approach - in the english language known as 'let be'. tho it refers to the government, i think to a certain degree it can also be applied to friendships. not in the way where neglect is present, but in the way we treat our friends....... esp our girls.
u love your friends, right? you want the best for them, right? so how the hell can you just stand there and watch as your friend's heart gets ready to be ripped to pieces as you see that guy take it out of her chest cavity and run it thru a paper shredder (metaphorically) in front of your own eyes?!?!!!!
but then its a point where u gotta let them experience your tough love. whether you like it or not, u gotta face the facts that you're not always gonna be there to prevent these horrible things - getting led on, cheated on, used, etc- from happening to your girls (or boys for that matter). you know how they say 'give a man to fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime'? same applies.
theres a difference between feeding ur friend and teaching ur friend. the best friends may be the ones that let life happen to their girls and boys, but remember..... the best friends are also the ones who are waiting in the wings with the ben and jerrys, prepared to stay up all night to comfort them in their time of need AFTER the lesson is learned.
it's like they're on a cliff in the middle of the ocean. they're gonna fall off eventually..... even if you try to prevent it, as much as you love them..... it's gonna happen. maybe when you sleep. maybe when you sneeze. you've just gotta face the facts that it's gonna happen.
so the question is........ are you gonna be there for them while they're recovering from that inevitable fall, or are you gonna be to busy kicking yourself for preventing them from learning the inevitable lesson that you fail to realize that AFTER the fall is when they need u the most?
u love your friends, right? you want the best for them, right? so how the hell can you just stand there and watch as your friend's heart gets ready to be ripped to pieces as you see that guy take it out of her chest cavity and run it thru a paper shredder (metaphorically) in front of your own eyes?!?!!!!
but then its a point where u gotta let them experience your tough love. whether you like it or not, u gotta face the facts that you're not always gonna be there to prevent these horrible things - getting led on, cheated on, used, etc- from happening to your girls (or boys for that matter). you know how they say 'give a man to fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime'? same applies.
theres a difference between feeding ur friend and teaching ur friend. the best friends may be the ones that let life happen to their girls and boys, but remember..... the best friends are also the ones who are waiting in the wings with the ben and jerrys, prepared to stay up all night to comfort them in their time of need AFTER the lesson is learned.
it's like they're on a cliff in the middle of the ocean. they're gonna fall off eventually..... even if you try to prevent it, as much as you love them..... it's gonna happen. maybe when you sleep. maybe when you sneeze. you've just gotta face the facts that it's gonna happen.
so the question is........ are you gonna be there for them while they're recovering from that inevitable fall, or are you gonna be to busy kicking yourself for preventing them from learning the inevitable lesson that you fail to realize that AFTER the fall is when they need u the most?
Monday, July 5
concrete jungle where dreams are made oh
miss this city. last summer, i fell in love....... with a city that never sleeps. every morning i wake up and miss the sounds, the busy-ness, the sophistication. i miss the fact that in that city you can walk down the street and see a celebrity performing in concert for the today show (actually happened). i miss times square. i miss the broadway shows....... they're mind-blowing. i miss the lights. i miss the pretzel stands on every corner. i miss the amazing food.... i fell in love with turkish food on that trip and haven't been able to find any since. i had the best avocado sandwich in the world in this cafe in harlem that served $1 mimosas at lunchtime... what's not to like??!!
the day i left, i promised myself i'd be back many times. and trust me, i will be back..... and eventually to stay.
? summer
can currently be found m.i.a.
find me soaking up some sun, toes in the sand, sippin cool drinks or enjoying the fresh scent of freshly cut watermelon.
its summertime.................... time to finally enjoy that lemonade u made when life gave u lemons.
find me soaking up some sun, toes in the sand, sippin cool drinks or enjoying the fresh scent of freshly cut watermelon.
its summertime.................... time to finally enjoy that lemonade u made when life gave u lemons.
Saturday, July 3
epoxy
Ever heard of epoxy glue??? It's that super strong stuff that sticks to pretty much anything. As a child, whenever the handle on the cooking spoon snapped, a heel came off a shoe, or a piece came off a toy, the epoxy would always be the first thing there.It works so good because it's actually a super intense chemical reaction, so intense that the glue is in two seperate parts and you mix it yourself. So while the two parts seperately don't really stick to anything, mix them together and stick them to the right surface and it won't come off of anything. (and speaking from personal experience...... i mean anything..
figured out today that i myself can relate to epoxy glue. I don't really get attached to people or things easily, if at all....... but all it takes is the right combination and it becomes extremely hard to let go.
Thursday, July 1
726. IF YOU REALLY THOUGHT THAT PICTURE WAS BAD, UGLY, OR GROSS, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE UPLOADED IT. STOP FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS.
tidbit of wisdom via gotwisdom.tumblr.com
As much as I like looking at and putting pictures on facebook, I absolutely cannot STAND when people post a pic in an album/profile picture and put 'eww' or 'gross' as the caption.
It's definitely understandable if a friend posts it. I'm pretty much the most unphotogenic person in the world, so when I receive a tagged picture notification my first action is to 'untag' before even looking at it, followed by a comment on the pic saying "DELETE". HAHA
But that aside.................. please. post all the pictures of yourself you want. Heck, make a collage or something and post it on my wall if you want. Just don't post a picture of yourself that you and I both know is a ravishingly beautiful photo of you and put "gross" or "ugly" or "disgusting" as the caption. Cus really...................... If it was that ugly or gross or disgusting, that picture's ass would be in your recycle bin before you even THOUGHT about putting it on facebook for a millesecond.
This has been a public service announcement.
As much as I like looking at and putting pictures on facebook, I absolutely cannot STAND when people post a pic in an album/profile picture and put 'eww' or 'gross' as the caption.
It's definitely understandable if a friend posts it. I'm pretty much the most unphotogenic person in the world, so when I receive a tagged picture notification my first action is to 'untag' before even looking at it, followed by a comment on the pic saying "DELETE". HAHA
But that aside.................. please. post all the pictures of yourself you want. Heck, make a collage or something and post it on my wall if you want. Just don't post a picture of yourself that you and I both know is a ravishingly beautiful photo of you and put "gross" or "ugly" or "disgusting" as the caption. Cus really...................... If it was that ugly or gross or disgusting, that picture's ass would be in your recycle bin before you even THOUGHT about putting it on facebook for a millesecond.
This has been a public service announcement.
Monday, June 28
summer dayz
My favourite summer EVER was the summer of 2008. It's when I really found my friends. It was the summer of new things, new emotions, new friends, new everything.
Last summer wasn't as great as summer 08........ for a variety of reasons. I was basically MIA from my school friends, my grandpa died, and it was productive in spending about 3/4 of it becoming a lifeguard. The true highlight of that summer was my nyc trip, and of course the very last day of summer spent with my friends of many years.
This summer, I resolve to be extremely productive. Not in the work sense, per se, but more in maintaining my relationshps with other people and developing and exploring new skills and talents for myself. I want to build an ultimate wardrobe for the school year, make use of my canvas and oil paints, sketch a LOT, seal in my musical taste (everyone i know's itunes library puts mine to SHAME) and just try to get out of the house every day.
Here we go.
Last summer wasn't as great as summer 08........ for a variety of reasons. I was basically MIA from my school friends, my grandpa died, and it was productive in spending about 3/4 of it becoming a lifeguard. The true highlight of that summer was my nyc trip, and of course the very last day of summer spent with my friends of many years.
This summer, I resolve to be extremely productive. Not in the work sense, per se, but more in maintaining my relationshps with other people and developing and exploring new skills and talents for myself. I want to build an ultimate wardrobe for the school year, make use of my canvas and oil paints, sketch a LOT, seal in my musical taste (everyone i know's itunes library puts mine to SHAME) and just try to get out of the house every day.
Here we go.
Saturday, June 26
Thursday, June 24
summer jammin
i'm not usually one to listen to pop music anymore but ALL THESE SUMMER SONGS ARE RIDICULOUSLY CATCHY!!!
Wednesday, June 23
celebrity sighting #2
On the bus with friends from kits beach yesterday and saw this girl on the #22!!!!
I didn't recognize her but my friends, who watched Canada's next top model did. And heeey she's a celebrity right? :) I can cross that off my list now!!!
What struck me the most about her wasn't her beauty.... but also the fact that she was extremely nice!
She DEFINITELY looks different from her studio shots on the website than in real life..... but if you ask me...... though maybe not as perfect looking, she's just as, if not more, beautiful.
I didn't recognize her but my friends, who watched Canada's next top model did. And heeey she's a celebrity right? :) I can cross that off my list now!!!
What struck me the most about her wasn't her beauty.... but also the fact that she was extremely nice!
She DEFINITELY looks different from her studio shots on the website than in real life..... but if you ask me...... though maybe not as perfect looking, she's just as, if not more, beautiful.
Friday, June 18
different city every night
travie mccoy has the most beautiful voice ever!!!!!!!! (besides john legend).
wish i could sing.
and just discovered this guy WHO WROTE HIS OWN VERSES!!!!!! <3333
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