the obligatory new years post.

1. Be the person I want to be. Say what I mean. Mean what I say. Be someone who I can look up to, and who I can respect.
2. Discover and explore new hobbies, develop the ones I am beginning to take to.
3. Do something that benefits society or the world.
4. Do one thing a day that scares me. i HAVE been doing this
5. Try something I normally wouldn't try and like it.
6. Leave the country
7. Go to the dentist and be able to say that I DO floss regularily.
8. Exercise even more, Eat less.
9. Sleep under the stars.
10. Watch a sunrise.
11. Meet someone who will change my life.
12. Learn something new about myself.
13. Sit at home all day doing nothing.
14. Meet great people.
15. Find out who my true friends are.
16. Go to the beach with my best friend.
17. See a celebrity.
18. Paint a picture.
19. Write a poem.
20. Write a book.....hhahaha fail.....
21. Run a mile.
22. Get my N.
23. Go to a concert.oh well. theres always next yeaaar!
24. Go to a scary movie.
25. Have a really long phone call
26. Have a really short phone call.
27. Play an april fools joke on someone.
28. Celebrate Star Wars Day. (LOL)
29. Have a memorable summer.
30. Do something I am proud of.
31. Be involved in something I'll never forget.
32. Throw a surprise party.
33. Be on TV

i'm extremely proud of what i have accomplished in the past year. however, there is so much more to go. i can already tell you that i have so much to look forward to in the upcoming year:

january: my birthday

february: encounter

march: guadalahajra

april:sunrun

may: final swim season, 365, grad, university acceptance???

june: final swim season, summer, last provincial exams ever!!!!

july: final swim season, summer, vacation

august: move into res @ new school, summer vacation

september: first month of university

october: thanksgiving weekend to explore my university town

november: we have yet to establish

december: coming home to everyone for christmas :)

anyways, though i did recieve a lot good things in 2010 and i am extremely thankful for them, i also know that i worked my ass off for everything that i recieved. soooo resolutions for next year???

- keep working hard.

- forgive easier

- walk slower

- enjoy every moment

happy new year everyone. my wish for everyone is that your 2011 will be as amazing as my 2010.

time flies!!

im home from my trip!! long time no blog. so much to do, so little time.
working ALOT, worked today, currently in the middle of applying to universities, omg still have to do scholarship applications, omg omg wowee wowee........... Found old videos that my friends sylvia elyse and i made when we were in grade 8. made me extremely nostalgic.
okay well thats all for now. till next time

merry christmas!!!

by the way i'm wearing that smile you gave me

mmm mm

mmmm mm candy canes gingerbread houses and wrapping presents and hot chocolate and cloudy with a chance of flurries mmmm mmmm mm christmas

so excited. parliament is putting on the talent show this friday and i'm super happy + grateful i got to be involved in this. im REALLY looking forward tothis, its gonna be bomb. its at the point where i don't even care if the student body likes what we've done, but i'm so proud of us - of how far we've come and of what we've been able to manufacture.

and i've said this before and i'll say it again, I AM SO EXCITED TO GIVE MY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!!!!! eeeEEEeeeeEEeeeee cant wait to see everyone's happy faces. even if my remaining spending money amount is now in the single digits.

christmas is near

i've got to say, i had a LOT of fun shopping for my christmas presents this year. i can't wait for my friends and fam to open their gifts under their trees (or when i give it to them) this year, cause i REALLY put a lot of thought and effort into all my gifts :) :$
i dont even want anything for christmas this year!!!!! having fun is enough. sleeping enough, time to myself is enough. the gift im giving to myself is a day at home doing absolutely nothing. just me and my 7 literary novels im supposed to read for AP lit club loool..... peace to me.

happy holidays!!! all we need now is snow (though i can't complain about the mild weather :))

worr(fr)ee

i am first to say that i am a worrywart. not about super irrational things, per se, like my house burning down or the canada line train i am on getting bombed or "the big one" earthquake that's supposed to happen here anytime between now and the next 190 years.
i worry more about things in my life. i worry about failure.

i don't get usual nightmares. people i know get them about paranormal activity and bank robbers and voldemort...... but i wake up in a cold sweat to the dorkiest things ever. time and time again i've woken up with a sigh of relief because i realised i actually did NOT miss a shift of work in real life (irresponsibly of course) or that i DID complete the giant project due today on time.

i guess my worry of these silly things began when i adopted a new mantra in grade 9 - "expect the worst, hope for the best". the idea was that if we expected the worst, we would never be dissapointed. it went well and all, but as the days of yore passed me by, i began to realize how UNHAPPY this mantra made me. instead of having any hope for the future whatsoever, i instead became crabby and attempted to stop relying on people because i KNEW they were going to let me down.

and then i realized: why am i making myself so unhappy?!?! worry or not, the outcome will still be the same. so i can spend that time worrying about my cookies burning making another batch, instead of twiddling my thumbs and checking them every two minutes, even though the oven is on timer.

so my new pledge is to create a plan b then remain hopeful. that way, i don't have to gain gray hairs while i'm waiting for something to happen. never a bad thing.

christmas is in 20 days

havent even thought about shopping yet. eep

as of late

exams are finally over!! though i've finished all that stuff till monday, there is still so much to be done... SLEEP the major priority. I guess i'm one of those girls who needs her sleep....... and without it i turn into a zombie-monster cross.
i think it's work that's killing me though, even though i can sleep in till 8 on both saturday and sunday, its not noon like i used to. my late night phone conversations aren't exactly helping my sleeping patterns either........ nights where i do finish my homework i find myself just talking on the phone longer rather than sleeping.

"sleep is for the weak"

call me weak.


on the bright side, FINALLY got my $15 sephora beauty insider gift card in my email!!! been browsing the site ALLLLL day to see what i'm gonna buy :):):) so00o exciting seeing as i won't be spending money on myself (besides necessary coffees and green tea) until january 1st.

tgif, enjoy your weekend everyone!

agh

my life = study all day every day. can't wait for thursday at 1030 am.

procrastinating

so much to do.... just got home (kinda) from a 9-4 day at the office {a.k.a. the pool} and i've still got much to do. i have to study for bio and chem and lit and math and french and apply for scholarships and universities and clean my room and paint my nails and figure out christmas gifts and go to the gym and fold my laundry and talk to my boyfriend and talk to my friends and ghkakljgiapojgp agas;kjgeiolrjnmf k;jasfoeriaksf;kljdaskldkmls..................................................

i guess you could say that i was at that point where i was like "i don't give a damn" but i guess some stuff happened and it made me realize that i really do give a damn. in fact i give 3 or 4 damns if i really think about it. i give so many damns that i could house like 100000000 beavers or something in there.

anyways all that damn giving has made me really tired.


and now back to the books.....

exams

study mode for the next week and a bit. it's make it or break it.

GOOD day

best day i've had in weeks. ironically a monday.

1. actually ready for school on time
2. interesting bio class
3. on top of the ball for chem
4. didnt die in lit
5. finished my english essay with time to spare!!!!
6. found out bunch of stuff that made me happy/relieved
7. i have the best boyfriend ever :$
8. it smells like snow
9. kickboxing tonight
10. i actually have FREE TIME
11. sent off my first major entrance awards application to Queen's!! applied to the school on the weekend. $210 later....... sorry mom. HAY its an investment

i love life. now to stress about exams

physically, mentally, and emotionally exausted.
im so tired.

:)

soooooooooooooo content. i owe you the world ♥

breathe

after 2 months of non-stop suddenly turning into a week of nothing, i need to breathe.

hope, love & serenity.... one day at a time.

from now til christmas, its go. wish me luck, i need it.

and to match my mood:

sick as a dog

so i'm past my breaking point. attempted to tough it out and try to go to school today AGAIN..... which failed................ and ended up getting sent home for the weekend. so that's right, no school/life for me till monday!!! woopee!!!

i've never missed so much school in my life. 5 consecutive days of school after this is all over if you count last friday minus the two blocks i attended on monday.

peace to me!!!!
whoever said grade12 was easy is saying complete BS!!!! grade 12 is the hardest mfing thing i've ever had to attempt in ma whole life!! holy crap!!!!

btw. in my sickness emily posted this web site on her wall and i saw it:

damnyouautocorrect.com

funniest website ever. trust me, it will change your life.

things we forget # 603

got my break. how inconvenient.

stuff no one told me (but i learned anyway)

meanwhile at my house

this is going to be a complaining blog. just to warn you.

i woke up at 7:30 am today. went to work. taught swimming to rambunctious children for 3 hours. swam for an hour. lifeguarded for rambunctious people for 2 hours. walked home. started my homework.
8 hours after getting home with little/no breaks .....
still working.

and i am sick.

I LOVE LIFE

note the sarcastic underline.

the beginning

and with a rather spooky ending, november begins. i'll be first to admit that this is always the month that flys by. every year, i can never really remember what happens in november. well except for last year HAHAHA.

can't help but notice that with the changing seasons and leaves and et cetera comes a lot of changes. a lot a lot. soon i'm gonna have to buckle down and start actually filling out university applications. (my entrance scholarship application form for Queen's is sitting in a folder on my desktop as we speak).

yet november also brings me a LOT to look forward to. 4,15,20. hells yeah


now to write my essay on castaway (cannot STAND the ending btw)

spooky

fabulous weekend. happy halloween everyone:)

stuff no one told me (but i learned anyway)

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”

- mark twain

another metaphor to life.

i've come to terms with the fact that life is a giant puzzle. you're probably like....... yea stupid, obviously. its not like its one of those paint by numbers where all ya need is a the right paint to make a beautiful (numbered picture). it's not like one of those 3d puzzles..... you know rubix cubes and the like. the kind of puzzle i'm talking about here is 2d, where every piece has a place.

I think everyone's life is a puzzle. I mean, at the end of the day, some people's pieces may be smaller than others, and of course, each picture will be different, some more beautiful then others. But of course, everyone has a common goal - to complete it a-sap.

there's your core corner pieces - you know, the easiest ones to put together, the ones that obviously fit together. this is your life foundation. the bonds between the pieces may be weak at times, but they strengthen and weaken at their own pace. It's pretty hard to complete the rest of the puzzle without the outside border.

then there's your inside pieces - pretty much representing every other aspect of your life.
there's the pieces you're SO DAMN sure are a crucial part of the puzzle that end up being tricks; that don't even belong in the puzzle at all. some people spend their whole life trying to make these pieces fit, but they never fully will.
Then there's the pieces that you put in the puzzle and fit perfectly, and then your cat eats them or they get stuck to something, never to be found again. These are the saddest puzzle pieces because most often then not, these kinds of pieces can never be replaced...
there's the pieces that you put in thinking they're in the right spot, but really are not. you think that putting them a certain way will make a picture of a flower field, but one day, or over time, you realize that the picture your puzzle is trying to make isn't of a flower field of all, but actually a space ship. So they need to be rearranged.
there's the pieces that you KNOW need to be there, but can't seem to find anywhere. When you finally find it, you're so happy. everyone is looking for this piece.

puzzle pieces come and go, get rearranged, and change the bigger picture often in ways we can't imagine. though we've got to be careful to hold on to the puzzle pieces that are a great fit and contribute to making the puzzle whole, we've also got to remember that we can't stress over the pieces we haven't found yet.
we've got to simply keep searching - these missing pieces could be anywhere. under the couch, in the bathtub, still in the box, or accidentally in someone else's puzzle, just waiting for you to even be aware of its existence. all you can really do is keep searching, wish, and hope.

life is either a daring adventure or nothing

"do one thing a day that scares you" haaay its paying off

the future awaits

lately i've just been having the don't give a damn attitude. it's kinda freeing to know that after june 2011, i'm on my own. making choices for myself. don't really know what to expect just yet, but i DO know that from then on, i'll control my own destiny.

the possibilities are endless. me and jess had an interesting conversation about schools today...... so far i'm forsure applying to queens, mcgill & st. fx.... possibly u of t and dalhousie.

and to be quite honest, though sometimes the last thing i want to do is leave, and some things i never want to leave, 90% of the time i cannot wait to get out of here.

lets get down to business

stuck in my head ALL day. LOVE IT

http://www.43things.com/person/eeerika

my bucket list.

like a ghost.

seems like the last few weeks of school i've been there but not really there. i'm there physically, taking notes, learning, contributing in class, laughing, smiling, bitching, whining, etc., but i'm not there mentally.

when i remember things that happened at school, especially in class, these days, i remember it as if it were a dream. like i get the jist, and the important points, but the details are lost on me.

seems like i'm kind of floating through grade 12 so far. routine's in -

school school school school home homework homework homework sleep school school school school.

notice the school:homework:sleep ratio.

quotable

"they say that disney world is the happiest place on earth..... they've obviously never been in your arms...."

sometimes i have to pinch myself to make sure i'm not dreaming.

via tumblr

reminder of the day #4

be thankful for your past, because it has made your present.

had a talk with a friend today and our conversation suddenly brought me back to tenth grade memories. i won't expand on the topic much because i really don't want to get into it and it really wasn't that interesting, but to sum it up i fell and couldn't get up for a long time.

what really matters is this; i let one thing, and one person, control my happiness. I let my misery overcome me, until i was a self-loathing, self-pitying person. I was fine on the outside, but i was dying on the inside. at the time, it seemed like the end of the world...

funny thing is i can now look back at this and l o l. of course a part of me wants to travel back in time to 15-year-old me and scream my lungs out at her.
i would tell her to man up and deal with it. i'd tell her that she's beautiful, cause that's all she needed to hear. i'd tell her guys come and go, and she shouldn't let one's stupid choices influence her mood and happiness.

but until a mystical time travel machine is invented, i cannot do that.

and even if one is magically created in this lifetime, i don't think that i'd go back.

cause after my misery and pain and woe-is-me attitude FINALLY passed, i learned. and and i grew. i'll never make the same kind of mistakes and misjudgments again, all cause of the more than slightly-clueless 15 year old verson of myself.

it made me who i am. it made me realize what i want. it made me work, harder then i ever have before. and now its like, dang. lol. realize how perfect everything actually is and tilt your head back and laugh at the sky.

hellloo

days are good. sunshine, 22 degrees, cool, crisp fall air. hopes for the future and present ideals. it can't get much better than this.

as we go on we remember

i cried today. not because of sadness..... but nostalgia.

my friend from LFA put up her grad proofs today - you know the drill --- cap, gown, the works. and let me tell you.................... seeing a friend i graduated preschool with in her cap and gown absolutely kills me.

it makes me so excited for the future..... but it also makes me scared.

flash back to the days at preschool. me and sylvia, best friends. we must have gone over to each other's houses every day...... we lived just a few blocks away. she was one of those best friends that i could just have fun with, laugh with, be silly with, and even though i only get to see her a few times a year nowadays, we catch up like no time has gone by.

back in preschool, i couldn't even comprehend what life would be like beyond the sandboxes and tricycles. walking over the literal balance beam from 'preschool' to 'kindergarten' seemed like the biggest deal in the world. i worried about who i would play with the next day, and who my favourite sailor moon character was.

it's hard to believe that at this time next year, i'll be studying to be somebody in the world. i'll have real life loans, real life bills, and facing the real world.

and to be honest, i cant wait for those days. but there's always a small part of me that wishes i was still at the horizon peering into the unknown of grade school.....

a complaint free world

so i was at inservice today (seasonal thing where we have to go to work for 4-6 hours but instead of work do team building activities, go over procedures etc.... and get paid for it. i love my job) and we had a presentation on this concept called "A Complaint Free World".

basically this guy wanted the world to be a happier place, so his goal is to reach out to 60 million people (1% of the world's population) and help them try and go 21 days without complaining.

why 21 days? cus thats how long it takes to break a habit.

so what happens is that you get a bracelet. i got mine today. every time you catch yourself complaining (out loud), you switch the bracelet to another hand. that makes you more aware of your words. The idea is that eventually, since you stop verbally complaining, you stop mentally complaining, and your life will become happier, more loving and more enjoyable.

i guess if you stop complaining, you focus on the things you DO have rather than the things you don't and if you accept what you have, you don't really need anything else.

reminder of the day #3

never take anything for granted.

On my trip to Florida, we ate out almost every night (and consequently I never want to eat restaurant food for a very very long time). One night, we decided to visit this restaurant called Perkins (AMAZING pie and good food).

On our last night, we decided to go back to Perkins. We were seated, and my brother's friend asked if we could have the same server. She was really good - nice, professional, and gave excellent service. Besides that, she had an amazing memory. We had eaten there a few nights earlier and she remembered what my brother's friend had to drink and what my little brother ordered!!!!

After dinner, we were talking with her about how we were travelling. She then started talking to us about her life.

She just had a baby 9 months ago, and it was a miracle baby. It was her 14th pregnancy, and she already took care of her 11 year old nephew full-time (she took custody of him for whatever reason when he was 4). Here she was, working late nights- often til 1 am, baby at home and only got 6 months off with her.

What i learned most from this server was how happy, despite many obstacles in her life, that baby made her. She told us about how all her friends would be bringing around baby pictures and that finally at 35 she was also able to do so. She was showing us proudly and we saw pictures of her nephew and daughter on her cell phone. Here she could be complaning about everything going wrong in her life, but instead she beams about the things that have gone right.

After our conversation, she gave us the bill and told her the pie was on her. We left a big tip as we left. However, we're still in debt, cause the insight she gave me is worth more than anything you can buy.

LOL

Some lady starts waving frantically at my mom while were at a stoplight. Panicked, my mom rolls down the window and the lady went all through the kerfuffle to say "WE VE GOT THE SAME CAR"

Haaay haaay from the sunshine state. I love it. Love its beaty, love the weather, love the people. I even love the rain. Florida's amazing because its not indecisive. Its hot alllll day. If the sun shines youre catchin rays every second. And if it rains, it pours. I'm dreading what i have to face back home.

reminder of the day #2

Things don't always turn out the way you want them to.
But that doesn't mean that they'll turn out worse than you wanted.

have patience, keep calm, and live freely. listen, and learn. seek harmony in everything, one day at a time.

reminder of the day #1

grabbed some timmy hos on saturday on the way up to whistler. so all was well and good, ordered a sesame bagel with strawberry cream cheese and in a generally good mood. i went off to the side to wait for my bagel out of courtesy for the people behind me wanting to order in line, and then this obnoxious business guy finishes his order and stands beside me. some food pops up ON THE COUNTER and the guy snatches it and heads out the door.

the cashier lady looks at me and goes "you didn't get yours yet?"
i say no
she says "i guess that guy mustve taken it.... i'll make you another one". what a sweet lady.

two minutes later the guy comes marching in. "YOU GUYS GAVE ME THE WRONG THING!" and snatches the next food item that comes up. luckily the lady spotted him and knew it was mine so she quickly told him.
they forgot the strawberry cream cheese and used plain instead, but the lady already took so much shit from the obnoxious guy that i spared her my moaning and groaning about what turned out to be a pretty decent bagel.

people in this society are too full of pride to take the blame anymore. i mean, how hard would it have been for the guy to return in, a little sheepish, and say, "sorry i was in such a hurry i must have taken the wrong thing by accident". it wouldn't have been a big deal, and everyone would have been understanding.
instead, he decided to turn it all around and blame the poor 8 dollar an hour worker for his impatience and stupidity.


with maturity comes great responsibility. honor it............ for the sake of this earth. please.

taking responsibility is kinda like getting a pimple. you can choose to blame it on your diet, your facewash, the fight you had with your boyfriend, let it ruin your day and limit your confidence, and then try to cover it up with a pound of makeup and end up making it look worse than it did in the first place.
or you can acknowledge it, give it a little tender loving care, invest in some good concealer (clinique wins here hands down. just sayin) and respect yourself and others in the process- its your choice.

anyways that was my reminder of the day - take responsibility. cus i know i'd respect someone more for owning up then covering up anyday.

alive

been thinking about it since march 2009.......... and finally got around to doing something i've been meaning to do since then................BUNGEE JUMPING!!!!!

my new mantra in life is that you regret more the things you didn't do than the things you did do. and today proved that. as i jumped off the platform i felt alive. and my summer was made right there.

its a feeling like none other. best $130 ever spent. and best of all, now i'm officially a lifetime member so i can now jump anytime i want for 80 bucks.

and if you'd ask me to describe it in 2 words, i'd only be able to say.........
HELL YEAH

how sweet it is

cant wait to leave this city. i need a break.

god bless the rain

we didn't recieve one drop of rain for the entire month of july, and on the day my cousin leaves, i think the rain is a welcomed change.

for me, rain has never been about doom and gloom. it has been about refreshment, starting anew, and life. if you know me, you know i love water - being in and around it is literally my life - so nothing puts me in a better mood than when its literally pouring from the sky.

i've watched rain wash away sidewalk chalk masterpieces, creating blank canvases for the world's artists. i've seen the liquid sunshine delay and cancell various sports games and events - but more than often enough the break was needed and welcomed. i've seen rain ruin hairstyles, proms, and weddings - giving everything a natural look.

nature was designed to welcome and thrive the rain. natives danced and sang about the rain, and it was thought of as a gift in countries where there was a drought most of the year.

i think we should welcome the rain in the same way. rain is real. rain is powerful. rain is strong. rain washes away the dust, dirt, and grime, so we can see the earth in all it's glory.

my parents were married on a rainy day. after 25+ happy years together, some would say they suffered for a day of rain for a lifetime of 'sunshine'. i disagree. i think they've lasted so long because their relationship is real. and beautiful. even in the rain.

Westcoast represent

Over the last week or so i've been more productive than i have all summer. Not that lazing around is bad---- i reward myself for a successful year with a whole summer of lollygagging-- but i must say its a refreshing change of pace.

My favourite cousin is visiting right now so i'm using her as an excuse to indulge in all my vancouver faves. I toured my own city in chinatown,burnaby, grouse, and whistler. Made me realize 2 things:
1. Love my city too death.
2. I know it too well.

Im happy im soon getting a break from this place for a while. Though i will miss the qoola (if you havent tasted it yet run dont walk to metrotown this second and buy it. You wont regret it.

all you brothers n sisters & me

i'm not a very sentimental person. maybe i'm a cold, heartless bitch. maybe i just don't get attached to people cus too many have screwed me over. maybe i just don't have the attention span to stay tied to something or someone for too long. or maybe its cus i look for and find family in every aspect of my life, so i never really feel like i'm missing anything cus its all there.

i don't believe in having only one family. i mean, its true that i can only drive an unlimited number of people in my biological one, but that doesn't mean it's the only family i have.

everywhere i turn, i got family. cus when you think about it, it's really something you need - what am i supposed to do when my biological family isn't home?
i turn to my school family. or my swimming family. or my pc family. or my preschool buddies family (hard to believe we're entering our senior year/graduated already!!!) or my elementary school family. or my extended family. or my best friends'families (LOL). and the list goes on.

each family has its strengths, and weaknesses of course, but coming together they fit the mold perfectly. we look out for each other and know whats best for each other, and though we hate each other sometimes we know, deep down, we secretly still love them.

if i'm ever in a situation where i'm driving a limited number of passengers cus of my new liscense, and the p.o. busts me for breaking the '1 passenger + family' rule...... i think i'll know what i have to say......
"officer........ these people are my family. our birth certificates might not match, we might be the same race or it might be impossible for us to have been born in the same immediate family because of our age, but we ARE family. "

and hopefully the officer will understand. if he doesn't agree that the concept of family means more than those bound to us by blood or marriage, i feel sorry for him.

cus he's missing out.

Don't depend on others because they won't always be there for you as much as you wish for them to be.

Be independent and strong. Most importantly, be yourself.

sweet escape

since i was young, i've always been fascinated with airports. when i was little it was all about going to grandma's/disneyland/vacation somewhere, which brought lots of excitement to my days. as i grew older, it became all about people watching and the fact the yvr/lax/yyz/lga/dtw/sea etc are pretty much gateways to the world.

it STILL captivates me every time i go to the airport. i admit i look at where all the planes are going as i'm trying to find my gate and i imagine where all the people could possibly be going. i'd walk by planes headed to montego bay and see school groups in matching T's from detroit heading on the vacation of a life time or on the plane going to hawaii wondering who was lucky enough to be heading home.

i personally can't wait to get out of the smalltown bubble i live in and explore the world. but for now......... people watching at the airport is gonna have to be a start.

good news, bad news

the good news:
new phone!!!!! welll iphone.... so new ipod and celluar phone and wireless device!!!!
and they took so long they gave us $100 to spend towards cases!! wooohooo

the bad news:
dropped my phone on concrete 3 hours before i buy my free case. made me yell a word that starts with a f and ends with uck (firetruck!!!!)

the good news:
most of the damage was done on the plastic i kept on my phone until i get a case.

the bad news:
pretty little white dent in the top left corner that i colored with sharpie. classy.

wise words of andy warhol

last night

for some reason, if i sleep after swim practice i ALWAYS remember my dreams. anyways, my adventures last night:

i was in this vintage store (pretty sure it was Front) on main street and bought this turquoise bike for REALLY cheap.

I started riding it around in New York city and ended up riding it into this HUGE room. It was pretty much Grand Central Station, except for way more windows, nothing in the middle/on the floor, and no ticket booths or anything that were telling when the trains were coming etc. And oh my, the PEOPLE. there were SO MANY people and i'm pretty sure i knew all of them.

so i'm biking down a random road, and all of a sudden it gets really steep. it flashes back to grand central room again and i'm biking down, dodging people, but the floor is really steep as well. i fall off my bike, walk down this weird hallway, and end up in this mall.
(weird part is i've NEVER been to a mall like this in my life, but i've dreamt about going there numerous times. the parking lot is on the second level, it's long and skinny, and there's a victoria's secret store and a kohl's on the most east tip of it. it's kinda like ala moana mall in HI if you've ever been there, but not quite....... weird tho cus i started dreaming about this place before i visited that mall.

ANYWAY....... so i go to the mall and smell perfumes in this store, then i continue down these hallways and go on this ride. it starts off as a subway, but turns into a zipper-like ride. i rode it with my friend sylvia and my friend carla and her sister(? even though she doesn't have a sister) were sitting in front of us.

As soon as the ride stops, all hell breaks loose. i run to the top of the noticeably less steep than before Grand central room and see many people i knew mysteriously died. i chase this woman who i refer to in my dream as my mom/aunt or something back to the subway ride, but i get trapped inside and have trouble getting out.

So THEN i get back to the grand central room AGAIN and all these soldiers with machine guns come barelling in and i get shot to death.

its weird because when i'm dying i can feel the pain but all i can really feel is pins and needles and my body parts falling asleep. SO then i float up to 'heaven' which ends up being the upper half of the room - and see all these floating people too. and we're literally just like, hovering in the air. i remember being slightly transparent haha!

weirdly my dreams usually end with my death. this one kept going.

i remember seeing lots of people in heaven but most distinctly my cousin stefanie who in the dream died in a car crash when she was 18 (tho she's still alive and well at 21 now).
all the people in heaven told me i had to say the final goodbye to my human body by putting it away - so i had to pick it up and put it in this coffin/idk?! that was sparkly and light purple and was pretty much just a giant pencil case.

SO then, i meet this random blond guy and we start dancing for some reason? and then he started dancing with this other girl as well who was really nice and i was really jealous. he then said we could share him and for some reason i was okay with that. HAHAHA

SO then in my dream world there is this element thing where people become ghosts or whatever so they can appear to people still living. there are still alive humans in the grand central room, and they cannot see us until our bodies materialize into the human world. so i was talking to my auntie kristie and one of the moms of someone on my swim team and we were able to have a full conversation but i asked them what of me they could see and they said only my neck. (?)

SO THEN melissa l. was still alive so me and my friends in ghost form wanted to send her a sign or something? and we started talking to her and she wanted to take a picture of us but we couldn't.
julian (who was dead) managed to capture a photo of me and melissa l. but i did not show up in said picture.

and then my mom called and woke me up.

sorry for unloading this on here, it's just that i do not remember the last time i was able to recall a dream i had so vividly.....and to be honest i was wildly entertained.

something no one told me

sunshine

Today was one of those days. no, not one of THOSE days. a good day. one of those days that only happen once every few months - possibly with the full moon? the changing of the tides? the changing of justin bieber's voice? who knows!! what matters is that it was one of those fantastic-fall-asleep-smiling days.
"and it was good"

the kinda day that makes you say........ damn, i'm happy to be alive.
the one where you wake up with your alarm so you don't feel any fatigue, ace your morning exercise routine, spend the day with a friend and get to the pool for a solid swim practice.
the one where you decide to buy ice cream to celebrate the good day, and you see that its half the price you usually pay.

one of those days that are just roll-in-the-grass-do-a-happy-dance-in-the-sunshine fabulous.

what keeps me going on the days where when i feel the opposite of rolling the the grass happy dancing in the sunshine fabulous are days like today - the fact that the promise of a better tomorrow is looming in the distance creates enough positive energy to grab the corners of my lips and turn that frown upside down.

someone told me

even tho its in french, carla bruni's voice is so smooth. i fricken am addicted to this song and i don't fully understand it.



recently experienced a rediscovery of the killers. masterminds of the time man, for reals.

LOL

the office will never be the same :*(

after the fall

in social studies this year we learned aboiut the laissez-faire approach - in the english language known as 'let be'. tho it refers to the government, i think to a certain degree it can also be applied to friendships. not in the way where neglect is present, but in the way we treat our friends....... esp our girls.

u love your friends, right? you want the best for them, right? so how the hell can you just stand there and watch as your friend's heart gets ready to be ripped to pieces as you see that guy take it out of her chest cavity and run it thru a paper shredder (metaphorically) in front of your own eyes?!?!!!!

but then its a point where u gotta let them experience your tough love. whether you like it or not, u gotta face the facts that you're not always gonna be there to prevent these horrible things - getting led on, cheated on, used, etc- from happening to your girls (or boys for that matter). you know how they say 'give a man to fish, feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime'? same applies.

theres a difference between feeding ur friend and teaching ur friend. the best friends may be the ones that let life happen to their girls and boys, but remember..... the best friends are also the ones who are waiting in the wings with the ben and jerrys, prepared to stay up all night to comfort them in their time of need AFTER the lesson is learned.

it's like they're on a cliff in the middle of the ocean. they're gonna fall off eventually..... even if you try to prevent it, as much as you love them..... it's gonna happen. maybe when you sleep. maybe when you sneeze. you've just gotta face the facts that it's gonna happen.
so the question is........ are you gonna be there for them while they're recovering from that inevitable fall, or are you gonna be to busy kicking yourself for preventing them from learning the inevitable lesson that you fail to realize that AFTER the fall is when they need u the most?

concrete jungle where dreams are made oh

miss this city. last summer, i fell in love....... with a city that never sleeps. every morning i wake up and miss the sounds, the busy-ness, the sophistication. i miss the fact that in that city you can walk down the street and see a celebrity performing in concert for the today show (actually happened). i miss times square. i miss the broadway shows....... they're mind-blowing. i miss the lights. i miss the pretzel stands on every corner. i miss the amazing food.... i fell in love with turkish food on that trip and haven't been able to find any since. i had the best avocado sandwich in the world in this cafe in harlem that served $1 mimosas at lunchtime... what's not to like??!!

the day i left, i promised myself i'd be back many times. and trust me, i will be back..... and eventually to stay.

? summer

can currently be found m.i.a.

find me soaking up some sun, toes in the sand, sippin cool drinks or enjoying the fresh scent of freshly cut watermelon.

its summertime.................... time to finally enjoy that lemonade u made when life gave u lemons.

epoxy

Ever heard of epoxy glue??? It's that super strong stuff that sticks to pretty much anything. As a child, whenever the handle on the cooking spoon snapped, a heel came off a shoe, or a piece came off a toy, the epoxy would always be the first thing there.

It works so good because it's actually a super intense chemical reaction, so intense that the glue is in two seperate parts and you mix it yourself. So while the two parts seperately don't really stick to anything, mix them together and stick them to the right surface and it won't come off of anything. (and speaking from personal experience...... i mean anything..

figured out today that i myself can relate to epoxy glue. I don't really get attached to people or things easily, if at all....... but all it takes is the right combination and it becomes extremely hard to let go.

726. IF YOU REALLY THOUGHT THAT PICTURE WAS BAD, UGLY, OR GROSS, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE UPLOADED IT. STOP FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS.

tidbit of wisdom via gotwisdom.tumblr.com


As much as I like looking at and putting pictures on facebook, I absolutely cannot STAND when people post a pic in an album/profile picture and put 'eww' or 'gross' as the caption.
It's definitely understandable if a friend posts it. I'm pretty much the most unphotogenic person in the world, so when I receive a tagged picture notification my first action is to 'untag' before even looking at it, followed by a comment on the pic saying "DELETE". HAHA

But that aside.................. please. post all the pictures of yourself you want. Heck, make a collage or something and post it on my wall if you want. Just don't post a picture of yourself that you and I both know is a ravishingly beautiful photo of you and put "gross" or "ugly" or "disgusting" as the caption. Cus really...................... If it was that ugly or gross or disgusting, that picture's ass would be in your recycle bin before you even THOUGHT about putting it on facebook for a millesecond.


This has been a public service announcement.

summer dayz

My favourite summer EVER was the summer of 2008. It's when I really found my friends. It was the summer of new things, new emotions, new friends, new everything.

Last summer wasn't as great as summer 08........ for a variety of reasons. I was basically MIA from my school friends, my grandpa died, and it was productive in spending about 3/4 of it becoming a lifeguard. The true highlight of that summer was my nyc trip, and of course the very last day of summer spent with my friends of many years.

This summer, I resolve to be extremely productive. Not in the work sense, per se, but more in maintaining my relationshps with other people and developing and exploring new skills and talents for myself. I want to build an ultimate wardrobe for the school year, make use of my canvas and oil paints, sketch a LOT, seal in my musical taste (everyone i know's itunes library puts mine to SHAME) and just try to get out of the house every day.


Here we go.

words of wisdom

summer jammin

i'm not usually one to listen to pop music anymore but ALL THESE SUMMER SONGS ARE RIDICULOUSLY CATCHY!!!

celebrity sighting #2

On the bus with friends from kits beach yesterday and saw this girl on the #22!!!!
I didn't recognize her but my friends, who watched Canada's next top model did. And heeey she's a celebrity right? :) I can cross that off my list now!!!
What struck me the most about her wasn't her beauty.... but also the fact that she was extremely nice!
She DEFINITELY looks different from her studio shots on the website than in real life..... but if you ask me...... though maybe not as perfect looking, she's just as, if not more, beautiful.

different city every night

travie mccoy has the most beautiful voice ever!!!!!!!! (besides john legend).



wish i could sing.



and just discovered this guy WHO WROTE HIS OWN VERSES!!!!!! <3333

because quotes about swimming can apply to everyone's lives

“For myself, losing is not coming second. It’s getting out of the water knowing you could have done better. For myself, I have won every race I’ve been in.”
Ian Thorpe

"I am not going to allow myself not to perform well just because I don't feel well. I am bulletproof to the extent that a lot of things can be thrown at me, but it's about how much I am prepared to let them affect me".
Ian Thorpe

as of late

study study study study.
pretend its summer for an hour or two
study study study
swim swim study swim swim swim
work
study study study


this summer/swim season/report card better be REALLY GOOD

more intelligent post later......... i'm saving up all my creative energy for the english exam tomorrow.

another one of those beauty reviews

I'm not one to write beauty review articles but this one i couldn't pass up the chance.............



bare escentuals prime time oil control primer


must say........ I never really hopped on the primer bandwagon until now. with the warm weather coming along, i must say i have the shiniest/grossest/oiliest skin in the WORLD.......... meaning breakouts, melted makeup, etccccc

so i go to sephora and am looking around and i find the "best of" primers and stuff. and this one stands out. oil control? whaaaaaat I definitely need that, i thought to myself, and headed to the cash register and handed over my $29.09 (incl tax) semi-reluctantly.

Needless to say, I'm not dissapointed. I've tried EVERYTHING to make my skin less oily. I've gone the benzyl peroxide 5 + % route, the granola route (HELLO baking soda and toothpaste face masks @ night), the makeup route (resulting in layers upon layers upon layers of cakefaced-ness), the bandaid route (meaning i buy those $6 oily face sheets) and this has been BY FAR the best solution.

I used to use those clean n clear sheets multiple times daily....... like at least 1 or 2 per day....... and since I've started using this primer, I've only used 1 or 2 IN TOTAL!!! (and i bought this like 2 weeks ago).

So now you've got a happy girl with happier skin.


Ahhh, the wonders of modern science.

"the year is yours"

I've said it a million times before, but I'll say it again : the year FLEW BY!!!!!

Hard to believe that in 3 months (-2 days) today I'll be entering grade 12 with 99 (give or take) wonderful people. It's our year guys, let's do it. GRAD XI

But for now.........................

congratulations to the grads of 2010!!! You will be missed!

"we accept the love we think we deserve"

"Whatever amount you put into something is what you get out of it." Never have I heard a phrase in which I could agree AND disagree with more.

The agree side: Effort always counts for something. You want to win the game? You wanna learn how to dunk/do a triple axel/swim a 29sec 50 free? You gotta train your ass of for it. Cause you're not going to get there simply with luck and/or talent. Someone out there is always gonna be more talented than you, so it's up to you to work harder than anyone else because THAT is something you CAN control. Even in retreats, school, et cetera, the amount of work/time/effort you put into something is almost always reciprocated. It's common knowledge for the most part.

The disagree side: I've been in points in my life when the getting something out of the effort you put in is complete and utter BS!!!!! No matter how hard I try to be good at basketball, I'll never be as good as the 6'2 girl who works as hard as me just cause she has the natural advantage. Time and time again, I've put too much effort/time/$/thought into relationships with people in my life and it definitely doesn't come back to me the way I want it to.

The bottom line: No matter how much time/effort/$/etc you put into something, you need to evaluate for YOURSELF what you think you deserve. Though God tries his best, He's got 6 billion people to watch over, and its easy to overlook people, esp. when they don't look out for themselves.
So when something amazing happens to you, don't be afraid to be happy. If you worked for it, if you spent time thinking about it, ride the high. Acknowledge you deserve it, otherwise it'll be gone in a snap and you'll be stuck settling for much less than you really should.

high society

Amazing week, beautiful people, good company. Can't get better than this. Unbelieveably excited for senior year.

"you had me at homemade cookies"

In a world like the one we live in, it's super easy to "go big or go home". Don't want a small coke with your Big Mac? Supersize. Are carnations just not enough for your special someone? For $20 more, get them a dozen deluxe roses. After all, why get the store-bought sheet birthday cake when you can get the molten chocolate lava cake with mascarpone and strawberry coulis? (most AMAZING dessert ever btw).

Sure, those amazing things are ....... well, amazing, but sometimes, it really is the thought that counts. I'd much rather recieve a dozen homemade cookies, which take hours (and possibly hours of mistakes LOL) from a friend than some gourmet thing i only get to enjoy once. I'd prefer my favourite flower over a dozen roses any day, just because it shows that you took the time to listen to me and actually put an effort in remembering what I like instead of my just being another present to purchase. And I mean................. homemade cookies always top store bought. Every time.

a break from homework

As i step back from the gigantic mountain that rivals mount everest that is my homework i must complete by tomorrow (11th grade is a bitch btw), i take a music break. My itunes library definitely needs a good dusting off/replacement --- all my music is getting old. But anyways after looking thru a friend's playlist today and briefly scanning youtube music (imeem's demise STILL makes me cry with sadness every time i try to access that former genius website) here's my sounds of the day:

blueberry muffins

So here I am waiting for my blueberry muffins to bake when I come across a revelation - of course at the most inoppertune moment.

As I await the moment i can take a huge bite of carb-y, blueberry-y goodness, I take a moment to realize what had to happen before the beautiful moment of pure bliss occurs. you have to get all those ingredients that are pretty nasty by themselves - raw sugar, eggs, flour - and mix them all together to make some batter that tastes pretty darn good.

add a little love (/oven) and you get the final product - and you think to yourself, 'holy cow!!!! all those bad-tasting things together actually made something pretty darn good!'

life's like that. a lot of horrible things can happen to you, or not-so-good things, but the end result can lead you to realize that they can actually make something wonderful.

agreed.

and also
if you work hard for something, don't ever let anyone tell you you don't deserve it.

do i make your heart beat like an 808 drum?

currently listening:





& i dont even listen to this normally but here ya go. my friends are influencing me!!!





and of course the song of my summer. i can feel it:

the dog days of summer

It's that time of year again........... The sun is out, the classrooms are hot and sticky, and I now have a permanent coating of orange creamsicle on my lips and chlorine on my skin - it's almost summertime.

I've always lived my life in terms of summers. Well...... my summer meaning pretty much anywhere from April to October. It seems like all the monumental events that have happened in my life worth remembering have happened in the glorious six month period between April and October, while weather is hot and the beverages are cool.

It's so unfair that school is still going on this time of year. Schools these days should have retractable roofs - marks may go way down, but attendance would definitely go way up. Lately I've been finding myself daydreaming of the months that follow my last exam, and all the amazing things I plan on doing.

The fact that this may be one of my last REAL summers ever blows my mind. So we've gotta live it up while it lasts....... cause yennoe what they say. You're not seventeen forever.

he(art) and soul

I'm a firm believer in the fact that whatever you put into something, you get out of it. All your actions are reciprocated tenfold, treat as you'd like to be treated, yadda yadda you know the drill.

Sometimes if you want something badly enough in life you just gotta put your whole heart and soul into it. It's just how it is - projects, sports, art - when someone puts their heart and soul into something, it shows, and the respect comes with it.

I mean, in the end, whose the real winner.... The buff guy who got second place in the marathon, who just runs 10k like its nbd 3 times a week, or the 55 year old women with bad knees and graying hair that trained for months just to be able to pass the finish line concious.

Lately i've found that I've been having to put heart n soul into everything I do. Sure, at the end of the day, I have nothing left - but that's the point.It's the reason i can sleep at night. If you're putting your whole heart and soul into something, it should be the only thing that matters in that moment.

At the end of the day, I'd rather be passing out with exhaustion then ever wondering what could have been. Wouldn't you?

"Independent woman working for her throne"

Never, ever, ever, will I be someone's "girl". I'll never be your "mistress", I'll never be your "chick" or your "babe". Sure, I'll be a girlfriend, a wife, a best friend, etc............... just don't speak of me as if I'm an object.

Women tolerate toooo much shit from the male race these days. It's one thing to overlook the little things that might cause bumps in your metaphorical relationship road, but it's completely another to be referred to as an object of affection.

Let's take a look at this:
an object is something you posess. If you possess it, obviously you have supremacy over it.
Think about this: aren't successful relationships supposed to be about equality?

I can tell you right now I'm no object.
You can't throw me around, tell me what to do, control my actions or predict my words.
I'm not like those barbie dolls your sisters played with when you were children.
I'm not perfect, I'm unpredictable, I make mistakes and definitely have my flaws.
But think again.
Can your barbie doll's face light up every time you enter a room? can you have intellectual conversation with the doll for hours and have it seem like ten minutes? Can you find yourself entertained by said doll for hours on end, just by doing nothing?

Please guys, wake up and acknowledge the fact that your woman is so much more than a piece of plastic or a shiny windbreaker - sure, in the way you address her, but also the way you treat her.
Bear with her through her flaws and don't insult her by calling her your
'girl' - cus she's not.
She's the most wonderful woman you've ever met and you feel so blessed she's your wife.
Hard to say that about a barbie doll.

trust

“Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fxxxxs reflection.”

- lady gaga


A very wise man once said to forgive and forget. Let me tell you now, easier than it sounds. Why is it so hard for us to let people in, to trust? Why is it, more often then not, that all it takes is once stone, one tiny bruise, to build a giant wall of protection that can't even be broken down by a nuclear bomb?

Trust is definitely hard to come by these days. It takes years and years and years, even lifetimes, to build up, yet seconds to destroy.

My mom always tells me that if you mess up or screw up, you'll never make the same mistake again. So if I make the mistake of trusting someone an they break it...... you'll bet your great aunt sally that I'll never confide in you the same way again.
If someone was to betray my trust, our previous relationship would be DONE for good.
How on earth could I ever open myself up to hurt from that same person again?

So Lady Gaga speaks true. Except in my mirrors, theres definitely more than cracks. There's holes, pieces missing, the works.
Break my trust and like a broken mirror, I can never look at you the same way.
And you know what they say - a broken mirror is 7 years of bad luck.
"What goes around, comes around"

make up your mind!!!

Don't you hate it when you're at a restaurant, ordering dessert, and you can't choose between the lava cake (absolutely chocotastic) and that sweet apple pie with the ice cream already melting in the steamy crust? What about at starbucks, when you gotta choose between the healthy green tea or go all out for the espresso truffle (im a chocolate fan.... what can i say?).
Today, for example, I booked it home from the gym so hungry I could eat my own arm. I had the choice between a huuge bowl of Breyers Vanilla (which my family NEVER buys - we usually just get the no name brand) or some yogurt with craisins and almonds. As tempting as the bowl of ice cream was, I made the choice to have the yogurt.
What a crazy girl, you might be thinking. Yeah, yeah, i know the phrase (and live it daily): Life is short, eat dessert first. A wise man might have said that, but a wiser man said this: Sometimes you've got to choose between the thing you want and the thing that's good for you.


I used to be so indecisive. From food to clothes to friends to boys, I was never quite sure what I wanted. Some days, I was a total granola - all gung ho for celery, 8 glasses of H20 per day, and naaasty ass healthy sandwiches. Other days, all I wanted was for my metabolism to be that of an 8 year old boy - eating all the calories in sight.

Sometimes, you just gotta choose what you want. I mean, why not, you only live once right? But then it gets to the point where things start interfering with you and you gotta start choosing what's good for you.

Take example A. Girl meets boy. Make each other happy. They go out. Boy mistreats girl, says sorry, and girl holds on. Sure, the girl wants to be with him, but is it good for her? Is it right that she's spending more days unhappy in an abusive relationship, ready for the be-all end-all, while though she WANTs to be, she's losing sleep, happiness, time, and friends over it?

A goal for the week could be to choose what's good over what's wanted. Cause sometimes, the celery might just be that pick me up you need to get back on track.

"light up the sky"

From when I was little, I always wondered why my parents never gave me birthday presents. Before you go off and stare daggers at my parents or something, it's not what you think - I still recieved lots of presents on my special day from various relatives but just never my parents.
I can honestly say I thought nothing of it until about the 1st grade when us kids got to that comparing-everything-in-our-lives stage. I went home one day and straight up asked my mom why my brother and I never got any presents from her and dad on all those birthdays, and she told me that she already gave me enough presents and I'd understand when I was older.

While making mother's day presents one year at school, I once again came home to my mom and asked her why there's a mother's day and father's day but no kid's day. She replied that every day was kid's day. I didn't understand at the time.

Fast forward a couple years, and it all began to make sense.
I realized that my parents probably gave up about 100 arms and legs each (metaphorically) for my brother and I over the years, and a couple extra presents on our birthdays would really seem insignificant under all they've done for us.
It makes sense now that the empty space in my room where that Barbie Folding Dream House or Pretty Petals would have gone isn't empty - it's filled with the type of stuff money could never buy.

Referring back up to Hafiz's quote, I believe that (for the most part) my parent's relationship with my brother and I became so successful because they were the suns to our earth.
They gave and gave and gave and gave, and all they had to show for it from us were crappy picture frames, useless ceramic hot plates, and, get this - a video my grade 6 class made of us dancing to 'we are the champions' and 'yellow submarine' for father's day.

I think that everyone should strive to make their relationships more like parent/child - giving and not expecting anything in return.
I admit to performing acts of kindness and generosity for my friends, being like heaven's angel or something, but then i later end up being pissed because my actions were barely acknowledged and definitely not reciprocated.

Maybe if we all tried to give a little and not expect a lot, there would be a lot less hatred in the world. Time for a metaphor.....

We always get pissed when our efforts don't get returned. We work really hard at crappy breakfast restaurants for $8 hr and tips if we're lucky, and we use that $8 towards a large chai tea latte (best drink EVER btw) and oat fudge bar at an independent coffee shop. Of course we're gonna get pissed if the drink is lukewarm when we asked for it extra hot and the oat fudge bar is stale - we worked our asses of for that measly 8 bucks, and we want our money's worth!!!

Maybe instead of getting angry at the chai tea latte and oat fudge bar, maybe we can learn from our mistakes and instead learn to make better choices in the future.
Maybe we should acknowledge the fact that by "wasting" $8 we're supporting small businesses instead of pouring it into the massive mccorporations that are turning america into one giant zombified strip-mall.
Maybe our $8 helped pay the wages of the middle-aged barista who works 3 jobs to put mac and cheese on the table every night for her small children.
So our $8 wasn't really wasted then, was it?
So don't regret going to the coffee shop and spending the 8 dollars.
Shake it off, write on a comment card or kindly inform the manager, and order the Caffe Misto next time.... OR GO SOMWHERE ELSE!! Just don't get pissed, and don't feel like it was a waste.

So love unconditionally. And for goodness sake's, if you notice someone's going out of their way to love YOU uncondtionally, don't be afraid to thank them.

Hafiz is a poetic genius. Our role model for relationships has been right in front of us the whole time - even through the clouds, it's there every day. Through the rain and the snow, we always have the security that the sun will be back tomorrow.
Look at a love like that. It lights up the whole sky, and sustains the world.

"if you're still thinking about something, you're not over it."

"i'm so over it"
"it's done"
"we're done"
"hey remember when this happened with so and so? that was so funny! too bad i hate him now!"

Had an argument with my dad a few months back about something stupid.... i think it was because i painted my nails without protecting the couch or something.
In the fight i happened to bring up something that was said between me and my lil bro that hurt me. I was expecting some sympathy on my dad's part, and maybe a quick forgive and forget, but instead I faced an even deeper wrath when he told me that I should only be worrying about the here and now, and stop thinking about the past.

The argument that day made me realize one major thing..... I know I (and many other girls) are very good at harboring our thoughts. We differentiate ourselves from the male race in many ways, but I think one of the most distinctive but definitely one that flys under the radar is our ability to harbor words spoken and actions performed for days,months....even years, in some severe cases. While guys get mad then get over it......... girls get irritated, slightly pissed a few hours later, then "over it". Notice the quotations.
Like clothes on the floor of my room, the actions and words in our heads pile up. They pile up and pile up, until eventually I can no longer see my bedroom floor and my mom blows her top.
My happiness/peacefulness with others works the same way. Bff disses my jacket in November, and clothes pile on the floor. However, a few months later, she decides to ditch me for her boyfriend of a year and a half and the amount of clothes on the floor is equivalent to the amount in a full laundry basket. The jacket is still there, under the pile, and only adds to the misery.
It's a vicious cycle, and I've really been working on trying to break it. But anyways, now to the main reason for this post.

On that green nail polish argument day, my dad said some very insightful words. "Get over things that happened in the past. They're over, they happened, and you can't do anything about it. If you're still thinking about it or talking about it, you're not over it."
Time and time again I hear people say they're over stuff. But back to my metaphor.......... saying you'll clean your room isn't the same as actually cleaning it. Sure, you can try and paint it a lighter color to make the room look bigger, and therefore your mess of clothes smaller, but at the end of the day a fresh coat of paint isn't going to pick up all that crap on the floor.

So on the eve of May 1, I think my goal this month is to clean my metaphorical room.
Still thinking about that girl that talked smack about u in grade 10? Get over it. She has.
Still pissed about the boy who u gave your heart to and he totally did not take good care of months ago? Well... you know what they say. If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it.

We don't wear clothes that make us feel bad about ourselves or don't flatter us. So why should we occupy our minds with people and events that make us feel bad about ourselves and doesn't flatter us? Like a good pair of jeans, which makes you look and feel amazing, the people in life I want to surround myself with are the people that compliment me and don't make me feel like a work in progress...... but a prize.

gaga for gaga

I'm well aware I'm "out of the loop" as you say.......... but I finally decided to watch Lady Gaga's Telephone video yesterday. And words CANNOT DESCRIBE the WOW i had inside my head. She did it with Paparazzi (Telephone is actually a continuation of that video) and she's done it again with Telephone. Beyonce's fierceness only adds to the mix. And my mind is blown.

Ps. I REALLY don't like the new youtube :(

i would walk 500 miles and i would walk 500 more

If I was on a desert island and I had to choose a body part to eat, i'd eat my legs last. Want to know why? Legs are underrated. Sure, they're a nuisance some of the time, with fitting into Levi's, and trying to look good in skirt, or trying to fit into an unconviniently person-without-legs sized hole. But if you think about it, legs are what keep us living.

Since the dawn of time, it's always been about survival of the fittest. It basically came down to who could run. The people that survived, aka our ancestors, were the ones who could run the fastest to catch and eat the bunny rabbits or whatever it was they ate back in the day, run away from the rabid rhinocerouses, and look cooler than all the other species who were still stuck crawling on all fours.

Time travel back to the time of now, and think about all our legs do for us. If we didn't have them, trying to stay fit would definitely be a problem. How the heck would we be able to run for the bus, go hiking, run a marathon, shop at the supermarket, or step on the gas pedal of a car that has capabilities to go from 0 to 60 in 3 points flat?!

So today I'm taking a moment to thank my legs for all they do for me. Sure, other people may say the gift of sight, sound, or taste is more important than 2 of our limbs..... but I say this: it's kind of hard to enjoy good music, good conversation or good food if our body parts are too busy getting digested by a rabid rhinocerous.

"showing you all the cards"

I'm not even into this R&B stuff but John Legend stands out for me. No matter my mood or my situation, he always has a song with lyrics to go with it. And the voice of God HAHAHA


on another musical note, KATE NASH'S NEW CD CAME OUT YESTERDAY!!!! I've yet to purchase it, but the song's I've been able to hear have been amazingggg

refreshed

In the slightly rearranged words of Anna Rivera:
The fact that a group of people can join together, all totally unique and different, and exist so peacefully and happily, beyond our many differences, is truly remarkable.

I can say with all honesty and sincerity that applying to be a Peer Counsellor last year was the best decision of my life.
Looking back to last year (just look at my blog posts on my old blog), I was very unhappy. I felt like I didn't have anything to turn to or anything to make me feel accepted. Of course, my best friends were always there for me, but they had different things going on in their lives as well. I prayed for a miracle.... and I didn't realize it at the time but I got one.

That weekend last year changed my life. It changed my way of thinking, my actions, they way I see things, and the way I can make myself avalible to help other people.
The fact that I was a witness to the changes that took place over the new PCs (and now my new friends) fills me with satisfaction. They might not be big changes, and they might not be that obvious, but if you really look, they're there. This isn't just a retreat high. It's permanent.

I'm so sad that half of my foundation is going to be leaving us in June. As much as I'm looking forward to finally being the grade 12s at school, the fact that I know such a wonderful grade (and I don't even mean just the PCs) won't be there next year makes me not want to move on.

I could say so many more words, but I'll leave it with simplicity: thank you.

the first day of the rest of my life

i've had my last blog URL since summer of grade eight....... before then i had my xanga (LOL TO THAT). Anyways, looking at all my LG posts..... i thought it was time for a change and to change my blog to something of substance.... leaving all my history behind. ill still leave my old blog up but im sure not gonna write in it any more (for now).

so like all stories, this blog has a beginning, a middle, and an end. however, this blog's beginning starts at another end.

"its the first day of the rest of your life"