worr(fr)ee

i am first to say that i am a worrywart. not about super irrational things, per se, like my house burning down or the canada line train i am on getting bombed or "the big one" earthquake that's supposed to happen here anytime between now and the next 190 years.
i worry more about things in my life. i worry about failure.

i don't get usual nightmares. people i know get them about paranormal activity and bank robbers and voldemort...... but i wake up in a cold sweat to the dorkiest things ever. time and time again i've woken up with a sigh of relief because i realised i actually did NOT miss a shift of work in real life (irresponsibly of course) or that i DID complete the giant project due today on time.

i guess my worry of these silly things began when i adopted a new mantra in grade 9 - "expect the worst, hope for the best". the idea was that if we expected the worst, we would never be dissapointed. it went well and all, but as the days of yore passed me by, i began to realize how UNHAPPY this mantra made me. instead of having any hope for the future whatsoever, i instead became crabby and attempted to stop relying on people because i KNEW they were going to let me down.

and then i realized: why am i making myself so unhappy?!?! worry or not, the outcome will still be the same. so i can spend that time worrying about my cookies burning making another batch, instead of twiddling my thumbs and checking them every two minutes, even though the oven is on timer.

so my new pledge is to create a plan b then remain hopeful. that way, i don't have to gain gray hairs while i'm waiting for something to happen. never a bad thing.