"you had me at homemade cookies"

In a world like the one we live in, it's super easy to "go big or go home". Don't want a small coke with your Big Mac? Supersize. Are carnations just not enough for your special someone? For $20 more, get them a dozen deluxe roses. After all, why get the store-bought sheet birthday cake when you can get the molten chocolate lava cake with mascarpone and strawberry coulis? (most AMAZING dessert ever btw).

Sure, those amazing things are ....... well, amazing, but sometimes, it really is the thought that counts. I'd much rather recieve a dozen homemade cookies, which take hours (and possibly hours of mistakes LOL) from a friend than some gourmet thing i only get to enjoy once. I'd prefer my favourite flower over a dozen roses any day, just because it shows that you took the time to listen to me and actually put an effort in remembering what I like instead of my just being another present to purchase. And I mean................. homemade cookies always top store bought. Every time.

a break from homework

As i step back from the gigantic mountain that rivals mount everest that is my homework i must complete by tomorrow (11th grade is a bitch btw), i take a music break. My itunes library definitely needs a good dusting off/replacement --- all my music is getting old. But anyways after looking thru a friend's playlist today and briefly scanning youtube music (imeem's demise STILL makes me cry with sadness every time i try to access that former genius website) here's my sounds of the day:

blueberry muffins

So here I am waiting for my blueberry muffins to bake when I come across a revelation - of course at the most inoppertune moment.

As I await the moment i can take a huge bite of carb-y, blueberry-y goodness, I take a moment to realize what had to happen before the beautiful moment of pure bliss occurs. you have to get all those ingredients that are pretty nasty by themselves - raw sugar, eggs, flour - and mix them all together to make some batter that tastes pretty darn good.

add a little love (/oven) and you get the final product - and you think to yourself, 'holy cow!!!! all those bad-tasting things together actually made something pretty darn good!'

life's like that. a lot of horrible things can happen to you, or not-so-good things, but the end result can lead you to realize that they can actually make something wonderful.

agreed.

and also
if you work hard for something, don't ever let anyone tell you you don't deserve it.

do i make your heart beat like an 808 drum?

currently listening:





& i dont even listen to this normally but here ya go. my friends are influencing me!!!





and of course the song of my summer. i can feel it:

the dog days of summer

It's that time of year again........... The sun is out, the classrooms are hot and sticky, and I now have a permanent coating of orange creamsicle on my lips and chlorine on my skin - it's almost summertime.

I've always lived my life in terms of summers. Well...... my summer meaning pretty much anywhere from April to October. It seems like all the monumental events that have happened in my life worth remembering have happened in the glorious six month period between April and October, while weather is hot and the beverages are cool.

It's so unfair that school is still going on this time of year. Schools these days should have retractable roofs - marks may go way down, but attendance would definitely go way up. Lately I've been finding myself daydreaming of the months that follow my last exam, and all the amazing things I plan on doing.

The fact that this may be one of my last REAL summers ever blows my mind. So we've gotta live it up while it lasts....... cause yennoe what they say. You're not seventeen forever.

he(art) and soul

I'm a firm believer in the fact that whatever you put into something, you get out of it. All your actions are reciprocated tenfold, treat as you'd like to be treated, yadda yadda you know the drill.

Sometimes if you want something badly enough in life you just gotta put your whole heart and soul into it. It's just how it is - projects, sports, art - when someone puts their heart and soul into something, it shows, and the respect comes with it.

I mean, in the end, whose the real winner.... The buff guy who got second place in the marathon, who just runs 10k like its nbd 3 times a week, or the 55 year old women with bad knees and graying hair that trained for months just to be able to pass the finish line concious.

Lately i've found that I've been having to put heart n soul into everything I do. Sure, at the end of the day, I have nothing left - but that's the point.It's the reason i can sleep at night. If you're putting your whole heart and soul into something, it should be the only thing that matters in that moment.

At the end of the day, I'd rather be passing out with exhaustion then ever wondering what could have been. Wouldn't you?

"Independent woman working for her throne"

Never, ever, ever, will I be someone's "girl". I'll never be your "mistress", I'll never be your "chick" or your "babe". Sure, I'll be a girlfriend, a wife, a best friend, etc............... just don't speak of me as if I'm an object.

Women tolerate toooo much shit from the male race these days. It's one thing to overlook the little things that might cause bumps in your metaphorical relationship road, but it's completely another to be referred to as an object of affection.

Let's take a look at this:
an object is something you posess. If you possess it, obviously you have supremacy over it.
Think about this: aren't successful relationships supposed to be about equality?

I can tell you right now I'm no object.
You can't throw me around, tell me what to do, control my actions or predict my words.
I'm not like those barbie dolls your sisters played with when you were children.
I'm not perfect, I'm unpredictable, I make mistakes and definitely have my flaws.
But think again.
Can your barbie doll's face light up every time you enter a room? can you have intellectual conversation with the doll for hours and have it seem like ten minutes? Can you find yourself entertained by said doll for hours on end, just by doing nothing?

Please guys, wake up and acknowledge the fact that your woman is so much more than a piece of plastic or a shiny windbreaker - sure, in the way you address her, but also the way you treat her.
Bear with her through her flaws and don't insult her by calling her your
'girl' - cus she's not.
She's the most wonderful woman you've ever met and you feel so blessed she's your wife.
Hard to say that about a barbie doll.

trust

“Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother fxxxxs reflection.”

- lady gaga


A very wise man once said to forgive and forget. Let me tell you now, easier than it sounds. Why is it so hard for us to let people in, to trust? Why is it, more often then not, that all it takes is once stone, one tiny bruise, to build a giant wall of protection that can't even be broken down by a nuclear bomb?

Trust is definitely hard to come by these days. It takes years and years and years, even lifetimes, to build up, yet seconds to destroy.

My mom always tells me that if you mess up or screw up, you'll never make the same mistake again. So if I make the mistake of trusting someone an they break it...... you'll bet your great aunt sally that I'll never confide in you the same way again.
If someone was to betray my trust, our previous relationship would be DONE for good.
How on earth could I ever open myself up to hurt from that same person again?

So Lady Gaga speaks true. Except in my mirrors, theres definitely more than cracks. There's holes, pieces missing, the works.
Break my trust and like a broken mirror, I can never look at you the same way.
And you know what they say - a broken mirror is 7 years of bad luck.
"What goes around, comes around"

make up your mind!!!

Don't you hate it when you're at a restaurant, ordering dessert, and you can't choose between the lava cake (absolutely chocotastic) and that sweet apple pie with the ice cream already melting in the steamy crust? What about at starbucks, when you gotta choose between the healthy green tea or go all out for the espresso truffle (im a chocolate fan.... what can i say?).
Today, for example, I booked it home from the gym so hungry I could eat my own arm. I had the choice between a huuge bowl of Breyers Vanilla (which my family NEVER buys - we usually just get the no name brand) or some yogurt with craisins and almonds. As tempting as the bowl of ice cream was, I made the choice to have the yogurt.
What a crazy girl, you might be thinking. Yeah, yeah, i know the phrase (and live it daily): Life is short, eat dessert first. A wise man might have said that, but a wiser man said this: Sometimes you've got to choose between the thing you want and the thing that's good for you.


I used to be so indecisive. From food to clothes to friends to boys, I was never quite sure what I wanted. Some days, I was a total granola - all gung ho for celery, 8 glasses of H20 per day, and naaasty ass healthy sandwiches. Other days, all I wanted was for my metabolism to be that of an 8 year old boy - eating all the calories in sight.

Sometimes, you just gotta choose what you want. I mean, why not, you only live once right? But then it gets to the point where things start interfering with you and you gotta start choosing what's good for you.

Take example A. Girl meets boy. Make each other happy. They go out. Boy mistreats girl, says sorry, and girl holds on. Sure, the girl wants to be with him, but is it good for her? Is it right that she's spending more days unhappy in an abusive relationship, ready for the be-all end-all, while though she WANTs to be, she's losing sleep, happiness, time, and friends over it?

A goal for the week could be to choose what's good over what's wanted. Cause sometimes, the celery might just be that pick me up you need to get back on track.

"light up the sky"

From when I was little, I always wondered why my parents never gave me birthday presents. Before you go off and stare daggers at my parents or something, it's not what you think - I still recieved lots of presents on my special day from various relatives but just never my parents.
I can honestly say I thought nothing of it until about the 1st grade when us kids got to that comparing-everything-in-our-lives stage. I went home one day and straight up asked my mom why my brother and I never got any presents from her and dad on all those birthdays, and she told me that she already gave me enough presents and I'd understand when I was older.

While making mother's day presents one year at school, I once again came home to my mom and asked her why there's a mother's day and father's day but no kid's day. She replied that every day was kid's day. I didn't understand at the time.

Fast forward a couple years, and it all began to make sense.
I realized that my parents probably gave up about 100 arms and legs each (metaphorically) for my brother and I over the years, and a couple extra presents on our birthdays would really seem insignificant under all they've done for us.
It makes sense now that the empty space in my room where that Barbie Folding Dream House or Pretty Petals would have gone isn't empty - it's filled with the type of stuff money could never buy.

Referring back up to Hafiz's quote, I believe that (for the most part) my parent's relationship with my brother and I became so successful because they were the suns to our earth.
They gave and gave and gave and gave, and all they had to show for it from us were crappy picture frames, useless ceramic hot plates, and, get this - a video my grade 6 class made of us dancing to 'we are the champions' and 'yellow submarine' for father's day.

I think that everyone should strive to make their relationships more like parent/child - giving and not expecting anything in return.
I admit to performing acts of kindness and generosity for my friends, being like heaven's angel or something, but then i later end up being pissed because my actions were barely acknowledged and definitely not reciprocated.

Maybe if we all tried to give a little and not expect a lot, there would be a lot less hatred in the world. Time for a metaphor.....

We always get pissed when our efforts don't get returned. We work really hard at crappy breakfast restaurants for $8 hr and tips if we're lucky, and we use that $8 towards a large chai tea latte (best drink EVER btw) and oat fudge bar at an independent coffee shop. Of course we're gonna get pissed if the drink is lukewarm when we asked for it extra hot and the oat fudge bar is stale - we worked our asses of for that measly 8 bucks, and we want our money's worth!!!

Maybe instead of getting angry at the chai tea latte and oat fudge bar, maybe we can learn from our mistakes and instead learn to make better choices in the future.
Maybe we should acknowledge the fact that by "wasting" $8 we're supporting small businesses instead of pouring it into the massive mccorporations that are turning america into one giant zombified strip-mall.
Maybe our $8 helped pay the wages of the middle-aged barista who works 3 jobs to put mac and cheese on the table every night for her small children.
So our $8 wasn't really wasted then, was it?
So don't regret going to the coffee shop and spending the 8 dollars.
Shake it off, write on a comment card or kindly inform the manager, and order the Caffe Misto next time.... OR GO SOMWHERE ELSE!! Just don't get pissed, and don't feel like it was a waste.

So love unconditionally. And for goodness sake's, if you notice someone's going out of their way to love YOU uncondtionally, don't be afraid to thank them.

Hafiz is a poetic genius. Our role model for relationships has been right in front of us the whole time - even through the clouds, it's there every day. Through the rain and the snow, we always have the security that the sun will be back tomorrow.
Look at a love like that. It lights up the whole sky, and sustains the world.

"if you're still thinking about something, you're not over it."

"i'm so over it"
"it's done"
"we're done"
"hey remember when this happened with so and so? that was so funny! too bad i hate him now!"

Had an argument with my dad a few months back about something stupid.... i think it was because i painted my nails without protecting the couch or something.
In the fight i happened to bring up something that was said between me and my lil bro that hurt me. I was expecting some sympathy on my dad's part, and maybe a quick forgive and forget, but instead I faced an even deeper wrath when he told me that I should only be worrying about the here and now, and stop thinking about the past.

The argument that day made me realize one major thing..... I know I (and many other girls) are very good at harboring our thoughts. We differentiate ourselves from the male race in many ways, but I think one of the most distinctive but definitely one that flys under the radar is our ability to harbor words spoken and actions performed for days,months....even years, in some severe cases. While guys get mad then get over it......... girls get irritated, slightly pissed a few hours later, then "over it". Notice the quotations.
Like clothes on the floor of my room, the actions and words in our heads pile up. They pile up and pile up, until eventually I can no longer see my bedroom floor and my mom blows her top.
My happiness/peacefulness with others works the same way. Bff disses my jacket in November, and clothes pile on the floor. However, a few months later, she decides to ditch me for her boyfriend of a year and a half and the amount of clothes on the floor is equivalent to the amount in a full laundry basket. The jacket is still there, under the pile, and only adds to the misery.
It's a vicious cycle, and I've really been working on trying to break it. But anyways, now to the main reason for this post.

On that green nail polish argument day, my dad said some very insightful words. "Get over things that happened in the past. They're over, they happened, and you can't do anything about it. If you're still thinking about it or talking about it, you're not over it."
Time and time again I hear people say they're over stuff. But back to my metaphor.......... saying you'll clean your room isn't the same as actually cleaning it. Sure, you can try and paint it a lighter color to make the room look bigger, and therefore your mess of clothes smaller, but at the end of the day a fresh coat of paint isn't going to pick up all that crap on the floor.

So on the eve of May 1, I think my goal this month is to clean my metaphorical room.
Still thinking about that girl that talked smack about u in grade 10? Get over it. She has.
Still pissed about the boy who u gave your heart to and he totally did not take good care of months ago? Well... you know what they say. If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it.

We don't wear clothes that make us feel bad about ourselves or don't flatter us. So why should we occupy our minds with people and events that make us feel bad about ourselves and doesn't flatter us? Like a good pair of jeans, which makes you look and feel amazing, the people in life I want to surround myself with are the people that compliment me and don't make me feel like a work in progress...... but a prize.

gaga for gaga

I'm well aware I'm "out of the loop" as you say.......... but I finally decided to watch Lady Gaga's Telephone video yesterday. And words CANNOT DESCRIBE the WOW i had inside my head. She did it with Paparazzi (Telephone is actually a continuation of that video) and she's done it again with Telephone. Beyonce's fierceness only adds to the mix. And my mind is blown.

Ps. I REALLY don't like the new youtube :(

i would walk 500 miles and i would walk 500 more

If I was on a desert island and I had to choose a body part to eat, i'd eat my legs last. Want to know why? Legs are underrated. Sure, they're a nuisance some of the time, with fitting into Levi's, and trying to look good in skirt, or trying to fit into an unconviniently person-without-legs sized hole. But if you think about it, legs are what keep us living.

Since the dawn of time, it's always been about survival of the fittest. It basically came down to who could run. The people that survived, aka our ancestors, were the ones who could run the fastest to catch and eat the bunny rabbits or whatever it was they ate back in the day, run away from the rabid rhinocerouses, and look cooler than all the other species who were still stuck crawling on all fours.

Time travel back to the time of now, and think about all our legs do for us. If we didn't have them, trying to stay fit would definitely be a problem. How the heck would we be able to run for the bus, go hiking, run a marathon, shop at the supermarket, or step on the gas pedal of a car that has capabilities to go from 0 to 60 in 3 points flat?!

So today I'm taking a moment to thank my legs for all they do for me. Sure, other people may say the gift of sight, sound, or taste is more important than 2 of our limbs..... but I say this: it's kind of hard to enjoy good music, good conversation or good food if our body parts are too busy getting digested by a rabid rhinocerous.

"showing you all the cards"

I'm not even into this R&B stuff but John Legend stands out for me. No matter my mood or my situation, he always has a song with lyrics to go with it. And the voice of God HAHAHA


on another musical note, KATE NASH'S NEW CD CAME OUT YESTERDAY!!!! I've yet to purchase it, but the song's I've been able to hear have been amazingggg

refreshed

In the slightly rearranged words of Anna Rivera:
The fact that a group of people can join together, all totally unique and different, and exist so peacefully and happily, beyond our many differences, is truly remarkable.

I can say with all honesty and sincerity that applying to be a Peer Counsellor last year was the best decision of my life.
Looking back to last year (just look at my blog posts on my old blog), I was very unhappy. I felt like I didn't have anything to turn to or anything to make me feel accepted. Of course, my best friends were always there for me, but they had different things going on in their lives as well. I prayed for a miracle.... and I didn't realize it at the time but I got one.

That weekend last year changed my life. It changed my way of thinking, my actions, they way I see things, and the way I can make myself avalible to help other people.
The fact that I was a witness to the changes that took place over the new PCs (and now my new friends) fills me with satisfaction. They might not be big changes, and they might not be that obvious, but if you really look, they're there. This isn't just a retreat high. It's permanent.

I'm so sad that half of my foundation is going to be leaving us in June. As much as I'm looking forward to finally being the grade 12s at school, the fact that I know such a wonderful grade (and I don't even mean just the PCs) won't be there next year makes me not want to move on.

I could say so many more words, but I'll leave it with simplicity: thank you.

the first day of the rest of my life

i've had my last blog URL since summer of grade eight....... before then i had my xanga (LOL TO THAT). Anyways, looking at all my LG posts..... i thought it was time for a change and to change my blog to something of substance.... leaving all my history behind. ill still leave my old blog up but im sure not gonna write in it any more (for now).

so like all stories, this blog has a beginning, a middle, and an end. however, this blog's beginning starts at another end.

"its the first day of the rest of your life"